what's the matter

Grab hold of my hand,

we'll wait out the wind,

we'll drown lest we swim.

break bread with the enemy,

cross swords with a friend,

decisions, good or bad,

have uncertain ends.

rip

Take off the bandage,

watch as the mixed blessings flood forth.

you're covered in old blood,

drowned out the new dawn, with old love

so much stronger than a head held high,

so much stronger than your good sense.

Bittersweet Therapy

You, the last person I spoke to before I went to sleep,

the first thing I thought about when I woke up.

You, the person I wanted to share all of my news with,

my shelter, my consoler my trusted council.

But, You, tore pieces from me, and left, and I remained...

a tattered mess, a sightless sight of unrest.

a pile of cotton, a mangled toy, you left...

but you insisted you hadn't.

and in the end I suppose I left,

I suppose I ripped out my own useless appendix,

shredded it for bedding and span my wheel.

The truth is, I think you know the truth,

that an omission is a lie,

so you said goodbye.

over and over

All wrapped up in warm colours,

grinning from ear to ear and yet...

there is a taint, a shiver to delay,

a passing thought, some small regret.

Something wants to wring the neck,

of every syllable that expresses love,

my heart is unduly haunted by the wreck,

I sail, headfirst into joy, a rocky cove.

Outstretched arms and nervous hands,

so much hope, love, confusion,

I look at you, but all I see,

an echo, a refrain.

Tonight it ends

So long to the hungry and the wretched,

so long to the long and listless nights,

so long to the edifice of happiness,

so carefully conveyed,

such bittersweet inanity purveyed.

For too long I have been

at fault for my own sadness,

languishing, affecting carelessness.

Tonight it ends,

so long to the hungry and the wretched,

so quick to call himself a martyr.

Balloon

Tie balloons around my neck,

I want to hang high above this,

laughing at the insignificance of all my land lying problems,

all these home spun inadequacies, defunct by the last gasp of weightlessness,

this would be a good death.

I want to melt the wax rind that is suffocating me,

winter melting away in brilliant sunlight,

free fall like Icarus, landing in a field or an ocean,

sublime pain, my body will fracture

as I am lost in true rapture.

awake

The smell of wood, the taste of coffee,

the wrench out of my bed in the morning

still ringing in my ears.

In floods the new day

through the gap around a door,

too small for its frame,

hello brain, hello head ache, hello morning.

Out are the dreams

of a world so perfect, yet unintelligible,

slowly as the blur comes into focus

and I wipe the sleep from my eyes,

there is day, there is work,

there is a new piece

to the same puzzle

that has puzzled me for years.

death renews

the ringing of bells in the hallowed tube

from the top of your haunch you yell,

a tribute of ripping fury punching from your lungs.

This is all for glory, this is all for good.

It's not until it reaches the last tile,

that a pawn becomes omnipotent.

The organ chimes a eulogy,

for the broken and dejected,

this is no attempt to sooth,

you will be saved from yourself,

and taken from your hell.

A cacophony of confusion,

battering the brave.

I am awash with apathy,

it warms me by your grave,

I mourned you once already,

but I don't believe in being saved.

Count your blessings

Life lying in cotton tatters,

strewn ribbons, remnants of dead blessings,

far too thin and too fragile to make anything of.

I am in the larder of my mind, crying out for sustenance,

there is nothing but an overwhelming silence,

I can feel my saliva dissolving my tongue,

I can feel my fingertips crumbling like spent matches,

ash tumbling into obscurity,

There is too much, and so there is nothing.

One morning

Dew lays heavy on mottled wool,

So much mist that morning,

I felt it before I saw you.

I was sick before I was scared,

and scared before I was sorry.

My head filled with white noise,

choking down old fears,

my shoes packed down the snow

and my eyes held back tears.

Dew lays heavy on mottled wool,

So much mist that morning,

I felt you before I saw you.

I tripped on your arm,

I was sick before I was scared,

and scared before I was sorry.

dreams becoming less cryptic

I am being chased by an enemy that I am afraid to face.

If I were to paint my life as a tryptic,

the paintings would be entitled;

arrogance, apathy and disgrace.

I have a parachute I seem unable to deploy,

and so I free fall through empty space.

How do I follow you?

You are a fraction,

you dip in and out,

erupt and diminish,

dust collects on my eyelids

as you race to the finish.

You are a float tipped wave,

wanting only to crash,

a bitter end as you flood the rocks.

In each tiny death, you are renewed,

rising phoenix like and magnificent.

You are a flickering light,

too beautiful to survive,

but your light lets me learn nothing.

How do I follow you?

You are a fraction,

you dip in and out,

erupt and diminish,

dust collects on my eyelids

as you race to the finish.

Frozen, unable to speak, broken, unable to sleep, staring, with disbelief, as the door opens to what you never wanted to see...

it returns

prayer

Everything we built up, aspired to, dreamt of, is rotting,

Dropping and plunging into deep waters,

Dreams that have become painful memories

Which we take care to forget.

I feel my eyes caving in, I can't hear you through the din,

As the rock walls of the city crumble and collapse about the place

each for their own and do try to save face.

There has been an outbreak of late,

or somebody has poisoned my eyes,

an epidemic with the momentum of a freight train,

We are all so lost in a present,

which we never even dreamt of.

princess

you just jumped up and down like a seal that wanted feeding,

you just whined and complained and stomped your shiny shoes,

you just wouldn't give up, you just couldn't, there was something in you,

something so fucking valuable, you swore it was there, you swore on your own precious life,

it was there, even if no one else could see it.

rejected

cast out and dejected, piling up my plate with misery,

just dry logs to fuel poetry that no one will read,

writing my will in the form of a free verse tragedy,

shooting up in the hall, veins flood with love,

and again i'm high above a cloud

pretending i'm weightless...

untouchable.

and again i'm thrown back down,

vomited up, stale and staggering,

heart burn, and tooth ache,

and a talentless void in my gut.

shut your trap

these cruel inventions, pitfalls worked up to trip you.

toying at nothing, clambering up the slick walls.

you are a boisterous disaster, a capful of burning mint.

you cleaned out my bank and hung me from the collar of my shirt

you are a low groan that threatens to sweetly rise to fighting pitch.

but it was me that tricked you! I promise it was,

I feigned, I faltered, I forced you to fall.

Snake skin peels off like a plaster,

Lying here fresh from disaster,

Cantankerous rancid and broken,

God damn it all lightning and smoking

But for all of this I have nothing,

On a neck on a spit spat up with the briny nothing

just some froth that washed up,

dead on arrival, punished past reprisal and that is the fucking crux of it

there's nothing, and nothing and that is it.

for what

Coming down into a brand new daze, reek of the singe from a blasting thing.

Buzzed off the back of bus riding, all the night as a kite and and a head ringing.

Cool wind bringing in this news, and this is all I can take, sewed up at the chest.

A heart that freezes itself, a citizens arrest, and a lie at the heart of it.

There is nothing outside of this that means anything, there is nothing inside or aside,

nothing outside that nobody could possibly exude, allude or deride.

moments before sleep

Here bedded down in my downy laurels,

safe in the knowledge that i can type up a storm,

but only minutes before the hell swells at dawn.

Heavy head hits the pillow,

I'm corralled by my fluffy white dreams.

There is so much watermelon in heaven!